Getting back to normal or maybe something better
by serenitykid7875
Summary: Jemma's finally back with the team and things aren't going well at first, but something helps her understand that she's not alone. Skimmons!


Skye waited till Coulson was doing the writing before heading down to the lab to see Jemma for herself; yes she had wanted to see her earlier, but she also wanted to talk to Coulson before she didn't have the opportunity to later. Just knowing that Jemma was safe in the lab made things easier for her when she didn't go see her first thing when Jemma, Bobbie, and Trip arrived; Skye did however watch the security feed in Coulson's office to see that Jemma was unharmed.

But when Skye arrived at the lab, she noticed that Jemma was nowhere in sight; Fitz was talking with Mac, Hunter, and Trip about what exactly happened between him and Jemma. Skye could hear the hurt in his voice as he talked about it, she knew that he wasn't over the way that Jemma left; Trip, Hunter, and Mac just listened and added input.

"Hey girl." Trip said as he noticed Skye had entered the lab and was walking toward them slowly, so that she could listen to what they were talking about.

"Hi guys." Skye said as she came to a stop next to Trip.

"What can we do for you?" Mac asked noticing that Skye had a look of questioning.

"Was Jemma in here?"

"Yeah, she uh…left a…uh…about half an hour ago." Fitz stuttered.

"Oh, okay." Skye said softly knowing that the others were wondering why she wanted Jemma.

"I think she went to her room." Trip said knowing why Skye wanted to see Jemma.

"Thanks." Skye said leaving the lab to head to where the personal quarters were.

As Skye was leaving the guys went back to talking with Fitz about his and Jemma's relationship, which Fitz said she didn't love him that way and probably only thought of him as a brother. It hurt Skye to hear him talk about it, because she knew just how much Jemma meant to him and how her just leaving and not loving him back hurt deep down.

When Skye reached Jemma's door she could hear soft sobs coming from inside Jemma's room; Skye knew that the tears were due to Fitz and her not able to work out the issues that had been left when Jemma had left. Skye knocked on the door before opening it and walking in; she walked over to Jemma and wrapped her in a hug knowing that that was what she needed at the moment.

Jemma clung to Skye when Skye wrapped her arms around her, she sobbed against Skye's shoulder; her hot tears falling against Skye's cool skin. Jemma hadn't cried like this since before she left for her mission inside Hydra and now as she was crying it was like she couldn't stop; she let everything out everything she had been holding in, the fear, the loss, and the feeling that a part of her was missing. She held on to Skye afraid that if she let go she'd disappear and she'd be left alone in her apartment with nothing and no one there to help her through.

Skye didn't know how much Jemma had really hurt when she had left them, when she was alone on her mission, or how scared she was that she'd never be able to see them all again; as she was holding her she could feel the pain that Jemma was experiencing and it broke her heart to think Jemma was holding this in all of the time that she was away from them.

"It's okay Jemma. It's okay. You're safe. I'm right here." Skye whispered in hope that it would make Jemma feel more comfortable and like she was safe. "I'm right here. You're safe. It's going to be okay."

Jemma continued to sob even as Skye held her tighter and closer; wishing that she could stay like this forever and never leave the team ever again. She hated having to be so far away from them and not knowing if the information she was giving them was helping or not; she wanted to feel like she was part of the team again, like she was helping and not hurting people. When Jemma had been with Hydra she was starting to do more research into the obelisk she knew that they wanted it to kill the people standing in their way; she hated having to pretend that she was interested in helping them along.

"Jemma…" Skye said as she loosened her grip on Jemma.

"Mmm?" Jemma whimpered against Skye's neck.

"You want to talk about it?" Skye asked worried about all the pain Jemma had just let out, Jemma just held on to Skye wishing that she could just hold on to Skye and never let go. "You might feel better if you talked about it."

Jemma didn't say anything, but pulled slowly away from Skye, looking her in the eyes when she was far enough away from her. Skye could see just how much pain Jemma was in from the look she was giving her and it brought tears to her eyes to see Jemma like this.

"Come on Jem." Skye said as she sat down on Jemma's bed, pulling Jemma with her so that she sat next to her. "I know it's hard to talk about, but it might help you to talk about it."

Jemma took a deep breath and let it out slowly before starting, "It was hard to be away from you guys and being here just makes everything so real. When I left I wanted to tell you, but Coulson said it would be easier for me if I didn't tell you. It hurt so much to be away from you and now Fitz thinks I'm this terrible person. He thinks I don't believe in him, but I do and now he hates me. I've had to work on things, things that I can't take back. People have gotten hurt because of some of the research I've done and now they know where my loyalties lie, I'm scared that if I get captured that they'll make me comply and I don't want that. The things they do to make you comply are not good, they brainwash you and turn everything you know into something different. I don't want anything to happen to you guys. What if they try to get to me by getting to you guys? I couldn't handle that. I just want to go back and never go in the first place. I can't do this anymore."

"Oh Jemma." Skye could tell Jemma was being serious about not doing this anymore and she wanted nothing more than to let Jemma not do this anymore, but she also knew that Jemma would never quit what she was doing. "I know things right now don't seem like they'll ever get better, but we will win, we will take down Hydra. I'm not going to let anything happen to you or any of us."

Skye pulled Jemma toward her again, she knew that Jemma needed to feel safe and she was going to try and help her feel that way as much as she could.

"I can't do this Skye." Jemma said as she started to sob again.

"Jemma you can. This is just temporary. It will get better. I will be okay. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you or the others; they aren't going to let anything happen either. Please it's going to be okay." Skye said as she pulled Jemma close and kissed her forehead.

"I'm really scared Skye."

"I know and I would do anything to make you not feel it. I promise I will always protect you. I won't allow anything bad to happen if I can prevent it. Jemma I care to much for you to let anything happen."

Jemma held on to Skye listening to her as she continued to try and convince her that she would protect her and at the moment she wanted nothing more than to believe every word that Skye was saying, but every time Jemma closed her eyes though she could see Daniel Whitehall forcing another new agent to comply. She could see the effect the obelisk would have if they were able to get it to work the way that they were planning to; she couldn't think of anything else and Skye could tell she wasn't getting through to Jemma.

"Jemma listen to me. I will never let them get you. I…I love you. And if they even try to get you I'll kill them before I let that happen." Skye said as she moved so that Jemma was looking her in the face, of course this wasn't exactly how she planned on telling her, but she wanted Jemma to understand to what degree she was going to go to keep her safe.

Jemma was silent for a moment before saying, "You love me? Like love me love me?"

"Yes."

"But you can't love me. Someone like me doesn't get the happy ending. I'm a nerd, a geek. Nerds don't get the girl."

"Jemma you're so much more than that. You're loving, kind, brave, intelligent and so much more. You deserve a happy ending. You deserve to be loved and protected. No one should ever hurt you or make you feel that you don't deserve the best. I love you."

"I…I love you too. I thought you wouldn't ever see me like this. I thought I didn't deserve someone was wonderful as you, someone loving, protective, brave, and brilliant."

"This wasn't exactly how I planned on tell you, because I thought you loved Fitz. Then you left and I didn't know what to believe. But when I found out that you were the one leaking information to us all I could do was worry about you, whether or not you'd be discovered and if you did would I be able to save you. And when Coulson had that meeting with Raina and she gave you up. I wanted nothing more than to give Raina what she wanted to make sure that she wouldn't give you up. May even had to restrain me for a few seconds before she explained everything. Even then I went to see him, my dad, or at least try to; he left before I got there. I was going to come meet you with Coulson when you first arrived, but I needed to talk to him first to sort things out. I did catch a look at you in his office with the security cameras."

"I was worried about you guys too. I know that Fitz had a hard time after I told him I didn't feel the same as he did, but I thought maybe if I left it would help him and then Coulson came to me with the mission. I wanted to tell you so badly before I left about what was going on, it was so hard to be away from you and you not knowing why I left."

"To tell you the truth I was angry with you before I knew why you left and where you went. Fitz took it hard and I was angry with you for leaving him like that, but after I talked with Coulson about everything I understood. I wanted nothing more than to go get you from Hydra and keep you safe. I know that having to pretend was hard for you, you are a terrible liar; it's another reason why Coulson told you to not tell us, you wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret and we wouldn't have let you go."

"I know. I wrote to you."

"I didn't get any mail and if I did I'd think something was wrong."

"Not mail, it was more like a journal it was my only way of being able to talk with you."

Jemma got up from the bed and moved over to her coat which held a flash drive of her journals; she had always had it in her possession in case Hydra went to her apartment. She picked up her laptop that she left in her room when she left and sat back down next to Skye; Skye was surprised at first that Jemma had written her and moved closer so that she could get a better look at the screen.

"I wrote about every day that went by, the good the bad, it's all there." Jemma said as she moved the laptop from her lap on to Skye's.

And with that Skye started to read and read and read; she didn't realize that Jemma had meant everything she said, she wrote about first joining Hydra, all the things she had to do, the way she felt about doing those things, what she thought about in her apartment where she had no one, but herself to work through things. Skye read every single word Jemma wrote wanting to understand everything that Jemma had gone through since she'd left them and gone in to Hydra.

By the time she finished she knew that Jemma was scared worried and felt all alone, she could see the reasons why she should be, but it also gave her another reason to protect Jemma with all that she had. Skye had been through a range of emotions while reading Jemma's journal/letters; she wanted to show Jemma that all the things she had to do with Hydra was not in vain and that they had used her information to do good work, to save people. And she would she would prove to her all the things that she was worried or scared about were no longer going to be a problem; she wasn't going to let her feel alone ever again, it was a promise she would make and never break.


End file.
